Oh the agony

Oh the pain, the agony of the blocked milk duct. Why oh why do we have to deal with this after everything else our bodies went through growing the baby, having the baby and talking care of the infant. Can't we catch a break?!
I only had the pleasure of having the blocked milk duct with Selena once and that was all I needed to realize it hurt like hell. This is my second one in a month and as the day goes it's getting worse or I'm becoming more of a wimp. I am counting down the minutes until Natalia can save me from this misery as the lovely Medela Pump In Style can only do so much and I think it's tapped out.

So this is how I'm going to deal with this the second time around:

1) Discover breast is very sore. Determine that a milk duct is clogged... AGAIN.

2) Force Natalia to nurse in an attempt to unclog duct

3) Massage sore breast.

4) Put hot compresses on sore breast.

5) Put hot compresses on sore breast, while massaging.

6) Use google to find out what else can be done for stubborn clogged milk duct.

7) Force Natalia to nurse while standing on head in modified yoga position while doing the football hold as instructed by google.

8)Swear often.

9) Try hottest compresses that I can stand. Suffer first degree burns in attempt to unclog the ****ing milk duct.

10) Massage breast some more.

11) Squeeze breast and nipple as hard as you can.

12) Give a moment of thanks that no neighbors can see into your windows and not witness self walking through the house feeling self up all evening.

13) Greet husband in the kitchen demanding he squeeze your breast, hard.

14) Tell husband to stop smiling, this isn’t about sex.

15) Assure him that no, it also isn’t like the “pull my finger trick."

16) Engage in even more colorful swearing, tell Selena "only on TV."

17) Marvel at the amount of things you bump sore breast into.

18) Force Natalia to nurse more, this time with her in modified yoga headstand.

19) Invent new swear words.

20) Force Natalia to nurse until she is passed out and then wake her up and make her nurse until she throws up.

21) Sit on couch clutching cold beer to breast.

22) Tell husband he has no idea how much it hurts.

23) Have husband respond that he is sure it hurts and how could he have any idea the magnitude of the pain since he is just an inferior male.

24) Tell husband not to forget that.

25) Have husband assure you that he knows you never will let him forget it.

26) Clutch sore, burned, bruised, aching breast in hand.

27) Decide to just go to bed and hope poor breast is better in the morning.

28) Chug beer(or 2)as sleep aid.