Monsters in Munchkin Land

The last few years have been a roller coaster that sometimes I just want to get off of. And generally I love all rides. I am a planner, I like things going the way I had in my mind. I have a hard time when things don’t since I am a creature of habit and feel most comfortable in a planned environment. I guess I am like a child who has a routine and when something deviates me from that routine then I am overwhelmed. With the birth of Natalia being a major up and her health issues being a major down and my Lyme diognosis and a surprise pregnancy I would say we have a full plate. With the pregnancy the Lyme has taken a back burner and not in a good way. The 28 pills I was one up until April 11th when I took that pregnancy test, were all working wonders and I was just starting to feel back to normal or at least like I had some control over my body. Living with Lyme is tough because you don’t always look sick but a lot of it you hold in and get used to living with issues that you push out of your way because the laundry is not going to do itself and you don’t want the kids to see you in pain or sick. I spent many days in a fog once alone but had to flip the switch once Joe or the girls were around. Even family I would lie to and say I was fine when really I was not.


Lyme and the co-infections are nasty bugs and they effect everyone differently the longer you go undiagnosed. Lucky for me I didn’t believe the first two doctors I saw when the first told me it was in my head and I was crazy and the second gave me 30 days of antibiotics and said I was cured. It’s to know you are sick and no things are not right with you but no one believes you or can diagnose all of what you are feeling. You get used to saying “I’m fine” as a way of trying to convince yourself that you are okay and making sure other family/friends don’t think you’re a hypochondriac.


Only being on two pregnancy safe antibiotics has been a major setback in my treatment. I have spent thousands of dollars in the last three years to figure out what was wrong with me and then during out of pocket treatment since insurance only covers 30% of Lyme care. After 5 months of aggressive treatment, being sick from the treatment and exhausted, I discovered Hot Yoga which is a form of detoxing and helpful when you are on a cocktail of antibiotics. I also found gluten free and staying away from sugar to help with the process. I was for sure on the mend and feeling better than I had in years, the dark circles under my eyes were going away and I had the energy to keep up with my family.


I try to think of this pregnancy as a positive thing, the baby is healthy, growing and moving a ton which is a good thing for sure. But I also can’t help but think about the 9+ month setback to treatment for me. How can I keep up with soon to be three kids if I’m not 100%? I’m not just taking care of kids and taking care of the house but I’m also working 50 hours a week. That is the part that overwhelms me. Tying to do it all and something has to give but I can’t afford for any of it to give. Somehow it all needs to work out and me being the planning type, don’t like sitting in limbo.


I have begun the “nesting” phase. And no I don’t mean getting the baby’s room ready because that would entail moving and reorganizing all of Natalia’s things into Selena’s room and then organizing the baby’s room. That to me is so overwhelming that I just want to hire someone to do it, or maybe it will just happen. Nesting entails packing the hospital bag with the Lyme cord blood testing kit and Lyme breast milk test. Reading over the instructings, filling out the seven forms, typing up directions for my dr because I will have just had a c-section and am not going to be able to explain where she needs to sign and how long they have to FedEx the blood/milk to IGenX for testing. Things are a little different this time around. I do not have that excitement of thinking 3 months left I can’t wait! I am thinking, only 3 monthly left??!! Why did time seem to go so slow with Selena and Natalia and this one is moving to fast?


So slowly the Lyme symptems are creaping out. First it was the itching and rash, then headaches, nausea, exhaustion, overwhelmed, panic, twitching/burning limbs, trouble breathing (not the baby trust me it’s different) and now a cold which shows me my immune system is back to being low again.
I know this is a total downer post compared to the last few but saying what I’m feeling gets it all out there and I’m all about putting out all my dirty laundry for everyone to see.